sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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