No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
