Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
