This girl is more easily done than said...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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