goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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