i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
