I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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