she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
