I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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