i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
