Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
