I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
