Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize