My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
