I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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