Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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