Your mouth is God's brothel.
Soap is not a condiment
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
