Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i love accidental penises.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
