After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
