was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
