I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
operation have a gay friend backfired
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
