just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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