i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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