i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize