my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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