If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
