I'm so fucking centered right now
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
