You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
