if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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