How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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