he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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