all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
