The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
