i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
