last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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