Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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