I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
