if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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