I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
