I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
