your room smells of hookers.
And success
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
