Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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