grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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