I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize