I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
