We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
