Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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