i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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