How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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