Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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