I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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