When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
