Is it because I queefed?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
