drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
