five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
