remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
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