Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
