IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
