420 ftw
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
