i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
