operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
