do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
