I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We need a shit load of segways right now
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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