captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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