Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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