Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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