how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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