New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
