idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
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