I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
