i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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