I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
